It Could Be Worse - Very Early Idea Conceptualization

 This is cool, made me smile when I found this from December 2021:

It’s a hard task to wake up to the sovereign hum of your fan being snuffed out by a blaring tri tone jingle, in an unmade bed, riddled worse from a sleepless night of thoughts and ambitions - and a sore back. 

It’s even harder to then use that sore back to actually get up. Despite wanting to get up so desperately it almost hurts. The thought of sitting up and starting your monotony one more day over is unbearable but the thought that it’s the only thing one must do is still there, and it is true. It’s impossible to sit in bed and let go for a moment. That want - or rather that need to get up builds and builds until a warmth inside boils over, as if the air was too hot and the pressure is too great for a life form to withstand. It’s a weight on your chest, a tug of war battle back and forth between your nature and your mind.

 An internal Cold War against what you must do and what you want to do. Of course as cold wars go, there is not much action happening on the outside. Much of it is internal, and false alarms are aplenty. They’re pondering, hoping in a strange backwards way, that you may be ill. Then realizing you probably couldn’t afford it. They’re wanting to be a hard worker, filled with pride and individual spirit. Then realizing there is no rest in hard work - hard work is only rewarded by more work, harder work; reducing you to no more than a tool. Wondering if perhaps you could travel to Europe, hoping life would be better there. Then realizing your education was limited, the people who taught you were unqualified and taught you very little. You wouldn’t be able to work there, they wouldn’t want you. After all you have a reputation that precedes you, one that you didn’t choose. 

 Finally, the almost primeval thought to resist the monotony shatters into many more, weaker thoughts that you are then able shove down for the greater good. After all, it is time to get ready for work. Sitting up is the hardest part, which is generally done within five to ten minutes of course. From there it’s easy to shut off the thoughts and begin the day, putting on your slacks, your dress shoes, your button down shirt and tie. Looking in the mirror always leaves for a surprise. What is the thought for today? 

You lock with your own eyes and your inner monologue won’t stop. It begins louder than before, this acknowledgement of yourself is the affirmation that this truly is all you will ever do. You could get a different job, you could get a different house, you could save up and do it the right way, but you will never, ever, escape the monotony. The ever present shadow floating over you. You will never enjoy what you spend most of your life doing. The struggle is learning to enjoy what you do the rest of the time. The blue eyes you stare at are nice. You recognize your own beauty on occasion. But it doesn’t help much. The thought doesn’t escape your head. 

Is this it? Is this my eternity? My boss certainly doesn’t live their life like this. Their boss definitely doesn’t. Why are they free of these thoughts? Are they free of these thoughts? Freedom has come at quite the cost. You need not be afraid to free your thoughts.